There has been a lot of bad things between us lately. We are both to blame. I take just as much responsibility for what has been going on as you. None of this has been simple or easy and I’m sorry. I have been trying to express myself in the wrong way and I am sorry for that! I try to talk to you about it and you just ignore. A friend suggested me to write you about all my feelings, so that’s why I decided to write you a letter so you know exactly how I feel about everything and can quit sending all those messages. There are quite a few things I am going to cover, so I am sorry if its kind of long. I am not going to attack you, just telling you how I feel. I hope that you will really think about it all and talk to me about it.
In our relationship I was so happy, you made me happy! I felt so lucky to have you and couldn’t believe that you actually wanted to be with me. We had so much fun together and I thought we got along great. I loved the way I felt around you, and the butterflies I got when I was near you and when you kissed me. I am sorry if I made you feel like I expected more from you like you to be in love me. The only thing I ever wanted from you was for you to care and be with me, because that’s all that made me happy. Most times girls and guys feelings and emotions are different, but I never expected more than what you wanted to give me. I just wanted to be with you, that’s all that mattered to me. You were so important to me. I gave you something special because I knew you were the right guy to give it to because I thought you honestly cared. That night will always be special to me, I don’t know how you honestly felt.
Am I ok without you? Yes I am, I don’t like being without you though. I feel like I lost everything. It hurts me that you left me and didn’t give me a chance to try and change your mind. You broke things off through text, wouldn’t answer my calls or talk to me face to face…that’s not the right way to go about things. All I ever did was try and care for you, what is wrong with a girl caring about her boyfriend? I wish you would have talked to me about everything instead of you and her making all the decisions and leaving me in the dark to deal with it all, it wasn’t fair. I have feelings too, I am also a human being! I hate the way you treat me now, like I am a stranger. Did I mean that little to you? I have needed you a lot lately and you weren’t there when I needed you the most. I would have been there for you in a heartbeat.
The fact that you broke things off with me because she was ready to be with you again absolutely kills me. After everything she has done to you, you deserve better than that! She said a lot of pretty little nothings to you, and you abandoned me and my feeling for you. I am disappointed in you for the first time. I do not understand what you are thinking because you know how she is. I do believe in second chances, but I think that she has had one to many! She honestly does not care about you because if she did, she wouldn’t have kept doing what she did to you. I’m sorry but that’s the truth and everyone sees that but you! She had no right to start talking to you when you were in a relationship, and you had no right to do what you did to me! I honestly care about you and would’ve done anything for you, can you say the same about her? I don’t think so!
The way this situation has made me feel is like a piece of shit! I feel like I failed. You made all the decisions without me and still won’t even listen to how I feeling. And the fact that you cheated knowing that I had a previous boyfriend that did the same thing pisses me off. I feel like I am not good enough for anyone and that I am not worth anything, like I will never make anyone happy. It makes me hate myself. Because of this I had to get rid of my biggest dream, which was to be happily married. Now I don’t even want to date, that’s how bad I feel about myself. I feel like no one is ever going to want me or that I will just get hurt again. I am so scared to trust again. You came into my life and it was so easy to trust you, you broke through my walls too quickly. Now I am afraid that I wont be able to let someone else in or care about them. I feel like I am not strong anymore and I try I really do try to be strong but its so hard. I have cried a lot over you and us. I feel like you don’t care about how we ended up, I really thought you cared. Sometimes I feel like a stupid fool to believe that you care about me and that you might possibly miss me and miss being with me. And sometimes I am even more stupid to hope that one day you will call or text me saying you made a mistake and you’re sorry, but I realize that will probably never happen.
As hard as I try I can never hate you! I have tried but it doesn’t work because I care too much about you! Sometimes I am confused about the way I feel about you because of the pain I feel. I hate not having you around to hang out with and to talk to you. I don’t know who I am without us, I feel lost. I am not proud of the person I have been for the past month and I am so very sorry. I know I have been very difficult. I am going to try to be me again, a big part of me is missing without us, but I am going to go on with my life just with changes. It makes me kind of lost with us. I was so shocked about what was happening and you were not honest with me that I didn’t know how else to react to what was going on. If I could change things I would but I can’t. I do forgive you though! If that makes you feel better. I know I said I regret a lot of things with you and I really don’t. But to be honest if I would’ve know how it was going to end and what you were going to do, I don’t know if I would’ve done it all, especially that special night. I hate it when my friends talk bad about you even though I know that they have their reasons. They just don’t understand how I feel, and they never will. I hope that you understand.
I feel like I don’t know you anymore, the person you have been lately is someone that I honestly don’t like. I miss you more than words can say, but I miss the you that was sweet, caring, and hated hurting me. You have hurt me so much this past month and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. I don’t like what is happening, I hate it!! You should have been more honest with me. I am sorry that I don’t believe that you cared. Why does that make you mad? You need to look at it through my perspective, you were talking to her while we were still together! To me that is something people do when they don’t care about their relationships or who ever they are dating. I just wanted you to show how you cared, I don’t know what I should believe anymore.
I honestly won’t loose faith in you. You will always be special to me. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care about you as much as I do. I will ALWAYS be there for you to support you when you need it, please come to me when you need it! I will always be praying for you and that you come to your senses. I do wish the best for you. My kindness and forgiveness is who I am and I wont change that, that is the part of me that this situation will not take away. I refuse to lower myself to her standards I am better than that, sleeping around and cheating is not me, that wont ever change and that’s also a part of me that cant be taken away. I never wanted to hurt you and I know I did with my words and I am so sorry. What I said to you though, you did deserve at the time just not the way that I did it. I promise to be more patient with you. I feel like we could work something out if we BOTH tried. I do really miss my necklace and would like it back (Collin and the team need the good luck and so do I lol). I am sorry I couldn’t make you happy. And I really hope that all of this was worth it to you. I miss you.
Please think about everything I have said, I know its a lot but please honestly think about it.
x Ashley
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